Brokeback Mountain

I saw that on wednesday a couple weeks ago now. I am not going to review it. I’m still thinking about the film, I will probably never review it though. I thought about not even blogging about it, but this record is as much for me as it is for anyone else. More for me than anyone else. Walking out of the theater I was angry, like someone hurt me. It wasn’t pleasant. I don’t really know what I was angry with, certainly not the show. Probably the universe, it seemed real, and it seemed unfair and I didn’t like it.

For a day I thought it was about missed opportunities, actions you didn’t do because you were too afraid, of what people would say, or where they would lead. I think it was about that, but today I think more it’s about secrets. People say it’s not a gay movie, I’m not sure if it’s even a movie about love. I think it’s about those singular events and joys in your life that you can never share with anyone. Not because they are wrong or bad, but because they wouldn’t understand. Your first kiss, but not with the woman you’re married to now. Your first love. A time when you were honest with yourself for the first time. And how those joys, however beautiful, will die with you.

I don’t know if it is a good idea, or a healthy one, but that’s what I got out of it today anyway.